As I stand on the hill of femininity, not in heels, but wearing my life-long companions who offer the greatest comfort- my trainers; and my denims and tees; my crowning glory cropped within an inch from my scalp, never have I felt so alive and real.
This is not a case of a warped gender orientation - I do not consider myself a boy; do not long to be like one and have never longed to be one, for I have had my fair share of crushes on them and I’m married to one; neither is this a call for gender equality or women empowerment.
I mean whoever said that in order to be feminine, you had to love playing dress-up with dolls, wear your hair long - whether natural or synthetic; or that getting down into the dirt, comics and video games were a totally male affair?
My journey to that understanding wasn’t without pain and embarrassment; but I made it all the same.
Sure I had a great girlhood. I had my share of pink Cinderella-like dresses with all the frills and trimmings, hair ribbons, frilly socks, a couple of dolls and all the glitter that supposedly stands for being a girl. I also had my jeans, sneakers, face caps, T-shirts, toy cars and trucks. As I got older, I developed a preference for the latter. I don’t know how that preference came to be - I have no older brothers, and I’m the first child of my parents; didn’t grow up around male cousins or the guys in the neighborhood.
Some people regard ‘tomboyishness’ as a phase, much like puberty; but I didn’t really think much of it until I got to secondary school- it was an all-girls school. That was when I began to feel maybe there was something wrong with being a tomboy. I was teased and even had the title of ‘Mr’ appended to my name, but I enjoyed being labelled a tomboy, as I later made friends with other girls with similar dress sense and behaviour, some even had a bounce in their gait. It wasn’t until my second year in senior school that the negatives began to drop in. The awareness of homosexuality had set in and tomboys were fingered as lesbians. This cost me some friendships - guess they didn’t really know me well enough.
And then the highpoint of it all was during the Senior School Awards Night - which was one of the highlights of the senior year. I don’t understand how I came up with the notion, but I decided that for once, I’d go all girly. Big Mistake! For the first part, I didn’t even own a single LBD, or dinner dress. All I had were Sunday dresses. With encouragement from my mum - who genuinely thought my dresses were okay - I packed my three dresses and left for school, ready to show everyone that I could be a girl.
Alas for my brave but poor attempt at ultra femininity - at least that was what I thought it was - I was the joke of the night. I heard some of the comments and jokes that were passed around. Some even joked that I came with the DJs. The only time I came into my element was when I had to don my jeans and tees for a dance. After that night, I promised myself that I would never compromise on my looks again just to prove a point.
I went on to the university; my style, tomboy to the core. I quickly gained a reputation for it - albeit a good one; but I did go off tangent with my hair for a while. I braved the fixture of a million braids, weaves, and even went gaga dyeing my hair from blonde, to brown, bronze, gold, and red. I enjoyed my experiments.
So I graduated from the university and got into the working world. I was no different there as my tomboy status quickly registered with my colleagues and even my boss. I guess they were rather intrigued by it.
A lot of long time friends can’t believe that marriage and motherhood haven’t changed me. A cousin even remarked once that if I could be the way I am and get married; well... there is no point in trying to change anymore. Some close friends and even my mother still nurse the hope that someday, I will give it all up. Sometimes, I almost feel that there is some kind of epic battle going on between the tomboys and the ultra femme fatales.
Time and again, I have heard that you should wear what you feel comfortable in, and your fashion statements should reflect your personality. So why is there such a fuss about being a tomboy? After all we’re still ladies... just a different brand.
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